1. “I’m not saying I’m Batman, but have you ever seen me and Batman in the same room?”
  2. “I can’t believe it’s April Fool’s Day again. It feels like it was just yesterday when I pranked you.”
  3. “I’m not lazy, I’m just conserving my energy for something more important.”
  4. “I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.”
  5. “I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at everything.”
  6. “I’m not saying I’m Wonder Woman, I’m just saying no one has ever seen me and Wonder Woman in the same room.”
  7. “I don’t always tell dad jokes, but when I do, he laughs.”
  8. “I’m not short, I’m concentrated awesome.”
  9. “I’m not addicted to coffee, we’re just in a committed relationship.”
  10. “I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy-saving mode.”